I prefer hotel bars because there will be no accidental deaths from my intoxicated operation of heavy machinery; drinking to numb the pain of my reliance on liquor to provide comfort and blur the line between living and un-dead. An eye-catching, voluptuous slender brunette sits down next to me wearing a felt hat intended to either add a hint of mystery or cover a bald spot. She orders a Molotov cocktail, Monti glances at me, and we both look for the nearest exit.

False alarm. Capucine was new to the bar scene, having just “graduated” from a distant convent. We learned Capucine’s escape from Saint-Cyr convent was only part of her sordid tale. She grew up in Falher, Alberta. An only child, her parents died tragically, during the annual Honey Festival, the giant Honey Bee statue fell, crushing them. As she was sixteen, the state declared her an adult and Capucine was on her own.

Sixteen, alone and jobless. After exhausting what little charity the town could offer, following the Falher Alfalfa bankruptcy in the spring of ‘08, Capucine turned to a life of crime. At first she stole what she needed, food, clothes, and sundries. Soon real bills started coming in, utilities, mortgage, etc. At this point Capucine did what any gorgeous, innocent, voluptuous, desperate young lady would do, she decided sell her cookies.

Understandably nervous about selling her cookies for the first time, Capucine was, after all, a virgin in the cookie business. Desperation and exhilaration energised Capucine as she tried her hand in a brand new and sordid world. Her first customer came with a price on his head. Capucine got a call from Marcie, while preparing her cookies; Marcie suggested Capucine could make a lot more money if she followed her instructions.

The poison cookies didn’t work as planned, evidently the victim had built up a strychnine tolerance from his wife’s cooking. Capucine was in trouble and with no one to turn to, she had to leave town, fast. She hitchhiked east, selling her cookies along the way. In Elk Island National Park she learned that if you sell cookies to a moose, it taints the meat. Half way through Ontario she hired on as cook on a Hudson Bay freighter.

During her year and a half at sea as ship’s cook, Capucine learned many of the jobs on the ship. Piloting the ship proved useful one stormy October night after the last of the crew mysteriously died and or fell overboard. Capucine ran the freighter aground in Frobisher Bay, swam to shore and stayed a few months in the women’s shelter in Apex, just southeast of Iqaluit.

Capucine made her way south through Quebec selling her cookies as she went. Capucine became known as “The Girl Guide Cookie Killer”. Notoriety like that, in this business, can be a career ender. Realizing her days in North America were numbered, she immigrated to Europe. After unsuccessfully seeking honest work, and pulling a few jobs in desperation along the way, Capucine entered Saint-Cyr convent to hide from life.

In the convent, Capucine learned biology, anatomy, toxicology, forensics, and martial arts. She was educated in proper weapons handling practises. Given her updated education, her beauty, charm, and cookie baking talent, she may have a future in the business. I gave her the contact information for my organisation, finished my drink and went to bed. I never date assassins, too many complications.


About HybridHitman

Contract killer for hire.
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